Love and Romance for the Proper Neo-Victorian.

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victorian personal

Dating, love, lust, sex and personal relationships for the Neo-Victorian must be handled delicately. Aged, proper old-timey sex cries, woos, euphemisms and proper colorful words should be sprinkled liberally in your daily (and nightly) vocabulary.

A proper starting point is to learn what to shout, and how to address your lover’s delicates and strengths. It turns one on rightfully to hear “O! How your avenue so deftly swallows my trembling mast! Your capital points shine and I must spend quickly, lest I die! Here! Feel my melting flow ! Ah! Ah!” More cries can be found at Hoot Island.

victorian love

Aetherweb dating sites and tele-phones are so very modern. The proper way is to post a listing in your local news-paper and wait for her to reply by post.

The New York Times has uncovered some old-timey personal ads that are a fantastic read. “F, 18, Seeks Victorian Gentleman” by Pam Epstein has been duplicated here before the NYT asks you to pay to read something in the public domain.

Victorian critics derided the mostly male advertisers as wicked seducers, but the ads were a favorite among readers, who found them titillating glimpses into the hearts of strangers. Though the ads below, taken from the pages of The New York Herald, are certainly less racy than what readers might find in publications today, they also feel surprisingly familiar, reminding us, perhaps, that we are not so different from our 19th-century counterparts — at least when it comes to looking for love.

If the young lady wearing the pink dress, spotted fur cape and muff, had light hair, light complexion and blue eyes, who was in company with a lady dressed in black, that I passed about 5 o’clock on Friday evening in South Seventh Street, between First and Second, Williamsburg, L.I., will address a line to Waldo, Williamsburg Post Office, she will make the acquaintance of a fine young man.
Jan. 19, 1862

Liederkranz Ball — Beautiful young girl with rosy cheeks and bright blue eyes under black mask and laughs like a siren: wore wine-colored satin domino, pearl headdress and jewelry; white camellias; waltzed like a fairy with tall Spanish gentleman; gentleman of high social reputation asks the liberty of an honorable introduction. Address Strictly Honorable, Herald uptown office.
Feb. 16, 1879

Vine — Your escort, darling, was never so happy; but oh, the return! Do you believe, dear, in the depth of a true, honorable, manly love? Would I could never, never leave you!… Devotedly. Trellis.
Feb. 24, 1884

A young soldier, of two years’ standing in the armies of the Republic, is desirous of conducting a correspondence with some American lady, not over 24 years of age, with the view that it may lead to a mutual desire to become personally acquainted — that such acquaintanceship may ripen into love, and, by the consummation of our affection, two lives be blended into one; or, in the plain King’s English, I am quite anxious to marry…. None but those who are sincerely disposed to look this matter “square in the face” need reply. In regard to his personal appearance, qualifications and character, the advertiser prefers to say nothing — a carte de visite, the contemplated correspondence and the future will disclose all that is necessary or desirable to be known on the subject…. Address Charles P. Hanover, First New York Mounted Rifles, Suffolk, Va.
May 27, 1863

A young lady of 18, wealthy, pretty and agreeable, wants a husband. Not finding any one of her acquaintance who suits her, she has concluded to take this method of discovering one. The happy gentleman must be wealthy, stylish, handsome and fascinating. None other need apply. Address within three days, giving name and full particulars, and enclosing carte de visite, Carrie Howard, Station D, New York.
June 5, 1863

More writings of love can be found at

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Topics: Old-Timey


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