Awright mates! Thee Bluebeard here to give you the bitter end of the recap for Gearbox Fantastique II. It was a rainy night in April at Reggies Rock Club in Chicago. The year was 2012. I brought my hat. I looked amazing mates! V for Villain was there and they were so damn pumped with bad guy energy, loud music and sinister fanciness I thought I would melt with jealousy! They even wear masks! Who DOES that?!! Check them out mates. You’ll be glad. Then you’ll understand.

So we also had Hellblinki. How does one describe this trio of ‘dear-gods-what-is-that?!’ as they perform their signature tunes? I will say bouncy and light while driving a sad funeral march mosh pit sound into your day. Listen to them. You’ll understand and you’re welcome.

Now then mates we had freaks. Not the fellas at the wharf talking to themselves about wales in the middle of the night but really funky looking folks with some physical anomolies and talents. Let’s just START with The Squidling Brothers Circus Side Show. They have a sword swallowing hottie called Betty Bloomerz who also eats fire and smiles like a beautiful broken toy. Matters Squidling himself puts mouse traps on his tongue and plays the trombone while the Illustrated penguin(you have to see him…) hung weights from his head. Their performance was hosted by Jellyboy The Clown who loved the joy of dance and the ease of surgical tubing passing through orifices. AND THAT WASN’T ALL! The show leaves you crying for . . . well probably just crying.

And a fella goes by the name Sir Pinkerton Xyloma brought out his band o’ misfits and musicians all the way from Milwaukee. A strongman aptly named Titano. He was a mountain of a man with a bit of ink done TO HIS FACE! A half man that did things that defy gravity and my understanding of upper body strength. Sir Pinkerton himself had one of the most gorgeous mustaches I’ve ever had the pleasure to put my own mustache next to! It was not epic, it was not boss, it was not amazing, it was Xylomic. Yes, I said it.

But now you think to yourself, “I missed that?! Damn my shift at Starbucks! I should have quit to go see that show!” And I answer you a loud resounding YES! You really should have if you did not. The Lord Barron Vourteque, mast head of Steampunk Chicago and looking fantastique (even though he has no mustache), Jellyboy and myself, Thee Bluebeard, all had a wonderful time introducing the acts to the beautiful chaos that was Gearbox Fantastique II. If you missed it you are not to despair but rather wait . . . patiently. There is more to come.

Did you see the video?! The girlie with the camera, Daria Melnikova, who filmed it just gave you a visual made of shooting stars and awesome! What the hedge-row are you reading this for?!! WATCH!!

Surprisingly our Lord Baron Joseph CR Vourteque IV and Mr M made the News Tribune in central Illinois, and it wasn’t for the crime spree! (‘The less said the better.)

Clockworks, corsets, airships and automatons are all remnants of another time. Together, they’re remnants of a time that never was but might have been — a time the steampunk movement is bringing to life.

The Tribune ran an article “This Is Steampunk.” And so it is!

Tea is confusing. A high tea is also a meat tea, but a high tea can also be an afternoon tea. A meat tea is not an afternoon tea. And tea parties just open up a can of worms.

Fortunately, Chicago has several options for those who simply want tea, pastries and little sandwiches.

Some of the teas are served in notable hotels. The Drake at 140 E Walton Place is along the northernmost stretch of the Magnificent Mile. The afternoon tea is served from 1 to 5 pm in their Tea Lobby. Seatings last an hour and a half, and feature live harp performances. The tea runs $36 and reservations are recommended.

The Lockwood Restaurant in the Palmer House at 17 E Monroe Street serves tea from 2 to 4 pm daily. They offer a selection of rare tea cellar teas. The sitting is $35 and reservations are recommended. Despite being burned down in the Great Chicago Fire only 13 days after opening, the Palmer House was rebuilt and reopened in 1873. It remains the United States’ oldest continually operating hotel.

The Peninsula Hotel at 108 E Superior offers an afternoon tea in The Lobby. They offer a vegan and gluten-free menu for those of delicate natures. Weekday teas are from 3 to 5 pm, Saturdays 2:30 to 4:30 pm and Sundays 4 to 6pm.  They also feature Fashion Friday Afternoon Teas with an informal fashion show on selected weeks. You could expect to pay around $39.

Russian Tea Time at 77 E Adams provides an afternoon tea service from 2:30 to 4:30 daily. They specialize in a combination of Eastern European and Central Asian flavors. The Tashkent carrot salad was a delight, and I don’t particularly care for carrots.  Their full tea service starts at $27.95 and also features an array of a la carte treats.

Tipsycake at 1944 N Damen serves a Traditional Afternoon Tea from 2 to 5 pm. As a bakery, they specialize in custom designed wedding cakes. The window displays are colorful and jaw-dropping. Their scones are buttery as opposed to sweet, and are served with clotted cream and gourmet jam. Tea runs $22.

Perhaps after sampling these, you will invite us over for your own tea party. Please do not think us too forward.

Thanks to our friends at Terra Mysterium for this heads up.  Local Chicago theatre troop The Bohemian Theatre Ensemble is doing a “steampunk” rendition of the French classic Tartuffe running at The Wit theater in Lakeview through Feb 12th.

To quote their website.

Using steampunk (a scifi subgenre that mixes Victorian history and aesthetic with futuristic steam-powered technology) as a backdrop, BoHo’s production mirrors the tumultuous societal landscape of 17th century France as a world that at once seems both familiar and alien, when old and new exist side by side. Without losing any of Molière’s wit, BoHo’s Tartuffe makes it obvious why a man would desperately believe the lies of a swindler over the word of his own family. Continuing our season-long exploration of the Bohemian pillars of truth, beauty, freedom, and love, Tartuffe explores the pillar of truth through the eyes of a liar.

Sounds fantastic!  Also, check out the trailer below!

For more information and to buy tickets to this show do visit their website HERE.

Chances are that we will see a renewed interest in Chicago history with the 2013 cinematic release of Erik Larson’s The Devil in the White City with Leonardo DiCaprio as the murderous H.H. Holmes. After all, it should combine the grandeur of the 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition with the grand guignol of Holmes.

If you have not read the book (which we advise) or don’t have the time for it in the next year, try the Devil & the White City Tour guided by Weird Chicago. My recent trip featured stops at the Congress Hotel where Holmes fished for victims, the Union Stockyards and the corner where once stood the infamous pharmacy and “murder castle.”

Weird Chicago can lead you down the twisted path of Chicago murderers, gangsters, ghosts and even the tawdry red light districts. Tours tend to run on Fridays and Saturdays. They are $30 per person ($20 for 12 and under, although the sexy tour is $40 and only for the 18+).

Reservations and availability can be found at www.weirdchicago.com.